


Devil In Me

by 5_0_5 (orphan_account)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angsty Schmoop, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Eren Loves Levi, Everything is Beautiful and Everything Hurts, Hurt/Comfort, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) is a Softie, Levi Loves Eren Yeager, M/M, Nightmares, POV Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), POV Third Person, Porn With Plot, Sad, Smut, Titan Eren Yeager, Titans, Top Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), and doesn't regret anything, and levi loves him anyway, eren has a nightmare and levi is there, eren kinda hates himself for being a titan, they talk about sad stuff and then fuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2020-07-11 12:13:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19927897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/5_0_5
Summary: Eren was familiar with rage, comfortable with rage. He knew its ins and outs, knew how it felt when his blood boiled in his veins and all he could see was red. What he wasn't familiar with, however, was waking up from nightmares and wishing he’d never woken up at all. He would wake up in a dungeon fresh out of nightmares feeling already like a monster, then he'd have to look Mikasa in the eye with that scar right there, have to go do Hanji’s experiments. Every time he bit into his own hand, it was like falling into a nightmare. Every time they pulled him from steaming flesh and said “good job” it felt like another wretch, like the contents of his stomach might come spilling out. And, worse even, Levi had noticed.It would be little things really, that Levi saw. It was the look in Erens eyes when they pulled him from a titan carcass, it would be the bags under his eyes, it would be the avoidance of mirrors and windows. And then it wasn't just little things.Porn with plot - Eren has a nightmare and he and Levi have sex





	Devil In Me

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this listening to devil in me by halsey. it's just eren hating himself for being a titan. the curse of ymir is also a thing. i woke 13 hours ago after 4 hours of sleep, im running on fumes and coffee

Eren was familiar with rage, comfortable with rage. He knew its ins and outs, knew how it felt when his blood boiled in his veins and all he could see was red. What he wasn't familiar with, however, was waking up from nightmares and wishing he’d never woken up at all. He wakes up, a scream in his throat, and the feeling of his teeth tearing through hot flesh, the feeling of steam engulfing his face, the taste of titan blood filling his mouth. He vomited his lunch and dinner from yesterday up and dry heaved for what felt like hours. And then he'd stand up, wash himself off, scrub his nape red and raw, wouldn't look in a mirror, and do whatever his superiors told him to. He knew it was selfish to feel this way, to close his eyes and see the reflection of his titan, to refuse breakfast every morning, to make everyone compensate for his exhaustion. But he couldn't  _ stop _ . It was reaching a boiling point inside him, every day felt like a chore. He would wake up in a dungeon fresh out of nightmares feeling already like a monster, then he'd have to look Mikasa in the eye with that scar right there, have to go do Hanji’s experiments. Every time he bit into his own hand, it was like falling into a nightmare. Every time they pulled him from steaming flesh and said “good job” it felt like another wretch, like the contents of his stomach might come spilling out. And, worse even, Levi had noticed.

It would be little things really, that Levi saw. It was the look in Erens eyes when they pulled him from a titan carcass, it would be the bags under his eyes, it would be the avoidance of mirrors and windows. And then it wasn't just little things.

Levi was drinking tea late into the night, his body too restless, thoughts too wild to really sleep, when he wandered towards the dungeon area. It wasn't even on purpose, Levi was just walking throughout the area, and maybe he subconsciously wandered to where Eren or maybe he was just lost in thought. Either way, as he went to take a sip of his tea he heard it. It was low, muffled by the door and the distance, but it was unmistakable. Eren had screamed. It sounded guttural, scared. Levi set his teacup on the ground and pulled the door open to rush down the stairs. He saw Eren, one hand clutching his covers and the other holding his head. He could just barely see Erens eye, but it was wide and his pupil was dilated, and tears fell down his cheeks. Then Erens entire body retched, his hand was now firm over his mouth as his body shook and he fought his way out of the bed and to the bathroom. And for a moment, all Levi could do was watch as Eren retched and gagged and puked into the toilet. He then steeled himself, swallowed, and walked over. It took everything in him not to puke himself as he kneeled beside Eren and rubbed his back as he puked. It went on for a while until there was nothing left in Eren to vomit and he was just dry heaving, tears pouring out of his eyes. 

When Eren was done, breathing deeply, Levi flushed the toilet and helped Eren up. He ran warm water for the boy, never saying a word. Helped pull Eren out of his sweat soaking clothes and into the tub. Levi ignored the naked boy, instead opting to scrub his back and shoulders lightly. 

  
  


“Thank you, captain.” Erens voice was small, wavering and uneven. “For?” Levi asked gently. He knew Eren was thanking him for trying to soothe him and washing him, but he wanted to talk to the boy. “For being there, I guess. I know it probably wasn't pleasant for you, watching me puke my guts out, so thanks.” Levi sighed deeply, rinsing his hands of the soap he had on them and sitting on the edge of the tub.

“Wanna talk about it?” Eren seemed to think for a moment, tears gathering in his eyes again. “I- uh, I was a titan, kind of. I don't really know,” Eren took a deep breath and screwed his eyes shut, “I mean, I was me, but with my titan's mouth and ears and hair. It was during Wall Maria, when it fell. I screamed, and I-” Eren cut himself off, and took another unsteady deep breath, “and the titan that killed my mom was there, and I watched as it ate my mother,” a tear slipped from Erens eye, then another, and then he was silently crying, tears just cascading down his face, “and I couldn't do anything, and then suddenly it wasn't the titan that ate- ate her,” Levi watched as Eren brought a hand up to his face and took a few more deep breaths, but just sat patiently and waited, “it was me. It was my titan. My- my titan's jaw unhinged and just- just ate her,” he broke into a sob, it was heartwrenching and so so sad to hear from the boy that Levi reach out and placed a hand on his shoulder. “And I couldn't do anything- didn't do anything. I just watched as I killed my mom and then it was like I could taste her blood. And then I woke up.” Levi took a deep breath, a sigh almost.

“I used to have these nightmares, every night.” Levi looked away from Eren and closed his eyes, “Id see a titan ripping the only two people that I ever had to pieces, and then it would just go on. Her decapitated head would tell me it was my fault, his would do the same. It happened all the time, when I closed my eyes I’d see their dead bodies and I’d know,” Levi paused and turned to look into Eren wide eyes, “I’d know it was my fault they were dead.” Eren slid back slowly, put his whole body under the water, and Levi stared at him. Eren wouldn't be like them, Eren was strong, he told himself. But, as he looked upon the kid, hiding under the water, he wasn't so sure. When Eren resurfaced, he looked at Levi with big green eyes that were still glassy from his tears.

“Do you care about me as you cared about them?” the kid asked. And Levi thought for a moment, thought about riding beside him, about fighting beside him, and then, about Eren dying beside him. Of how he would feel seeing Erens body ripped to pieces. And he couldn't breathe for a moment. “Yes.” then Eren took a deep breath and pulled himself out of the water. He wrapped his body in a towel and stood with his back to Levi. “I have roughly seven years left to live,” and Levis breath stuttered. “What-” “it's a titan thing. Its a type of curse, I think, I'm not too sure. But titan shifters only have thirteen years to live from when they become a titan, and now I only have seven.” Eren steadied himself, and turned to face Levi, “but I'm selfish. You make me feel like less of a monster, Levi, like im not just a fucking  _ titan _ .” he seethed the word titan, and walked closer to Levi. “I'm a selfish little kid but around you I'm nothing, just a human, just like everyone else. And I love you,” he breathed the words like they were a prayer, and kneeled down in front of Levi, “I love you Levi, and I don't hate myself around you, so I'm asking you, for just one night, to be around you.” Eren looked between Levi’s eyes, searching for something. “I can live every day until my last feeling like a monster, hating myself, but if I can have just tonight with you, it'll make it bearable,” Eren took a deep breath and leaned forward, his lips just ghosting Levis, “please Levi.” Erens warm breath hit Levis lips and before Levi could think any further, he was twisting his hands into Erens still wet hair and pulling him into a kiss. It was inexpirenced and sloppy, their teeth clanked and their noses brushed, but it was  _ Eren _ . He kissed Eren until his lips felt raw and he held Eren against him like Eren would fade away if he let go. “You're not a monster, Eren,” Levi spoke against Erens lips. Levi ran his hands up Erens sides, feeling the smooth skin there. He stood and pulled Eren up with him. He wrapped his arms around the boy and held him against him.

“You are not a monster.” Eren sighed lightly against Levis' shoulder and clutched him back. Levi led the pair to Eren's bed, he laid Eren onto the bed and kissed the boy again. Erens tongue snaked out, brushed against his lips and into his mouth. Levi rubbed his hands over Erens skin, gentle touches and stroked with the just the tips of his fingers. Eren was writhing under him, shivering and jerking with the touches. “Have you ever done this with anyone?” Levi asked, kissing lightly along Erens jaw. Eren shook his head and Levis' tongue darted out to lick along his jawline. “Good,” he muttered into Erens ear. He licked and kissed all over Erens neck, his hands roaming from Erens shoulders down his sides and to his thighs. He ran his fingertips along the inside of Erens thigh, just under the towel still wrapped around the boys' hips, and Erens whole body shuddered and broke out with goosebumps. He slid his hands up and brushed against Erens cock. It was light, barely touching him, but Eren still let out the tiniest of moans, it was a little “ah” sound and Levi knew he had to hear more. He wrapped his hand around the base of Erens cock and stroked up, slowly. 

“You can tell me to stop, whenever you want Eren.” he whispered into the boy's ear, still stroking him slow and light. “Please captain, dont stop,” “Levi. Call me Levi.” he squezed Erens dick, stroking faster, and Erens back arched slightly off the bed, “Levi,” the boy breathed. It was light, against Levis' shoulder. “What do you want Eren?” Levi licked the shell of Erens ear and Eren shuddered. “I, I want you to fuck me,” Levi could feel the flush on the boys' skin, covering his shoulders, his neck, his face. It was  _ cute _ . “What was that Eren? I didn't quiet hear you.” “I want you to fuck me, please Levi, please fuck me.” Levi almost moaned, almost. He let go of Erens cock and brought his hand to Erens mouth, “suck.” the boy complied, sucking eagerly at Levis' fingers, licking at them like his life depended on it. 

Levi pulled his hand away and Eren mewled at the loss. Levi pressed his fingers against Erens ass, and Eren jumped slightly, “shh, its okay Eren, it'll be okay.” he breathed into the boy's ears as he slid one finger into his hole. It was tight around one finger, and Eren was already almost panting. Levi worked the finger in deeper, bent and twisted it until he could fit another in, and then another. And Eren was writhing and moaning lightly, eyes screwed shut and Levi stretched him open. It was a slow process, and Levi whispered light words into Erens ear, reassuring him and praising him. Levi twisted his fingers and Erens back arched off the bed, “ah- Levi!” the boy moaned, and Levi smirked against Erens collarbone where he had been kissing and sucking. Levi did it again, pressing his fingers to the spot that made Eren writhe. He pulled his fingers out and kissed Eren deeply. Slipped his tongue past the boys' lips and cradled his jaw. He slipped his shirt off, finally, and then his pants. He put his hand to Erens mouth again, and Eren licked at it, making sure Levis hand was nice and wet. Levi stroked his own painfully hard dick, before aligning himself with Erens hole. He was positioned in between Erens legs, leaning over Erens lithe body. He gripped Erens thighs and pushed them apart and back. Eren was panting heavily, eyes looking up at Levi as tears slid from them. Levi brushed a tear away and cupped Erens jaw. “I love you, Eren Yeager.” and slid into him. Eren moaned loud enough for it to be a scream as Levi pushed into him slow and steady. “Levi, Levi, Levi” Eren chanted in between little breathy moans. Levi bottomed out and paused for a moment. Eren was torturously tight around him. Levi bent forward and kissed Eren slowly. It was a soft press of lips, intimate and innocent despite what was happening between the two. He kissed Erens cheek, his jaw, his forehead, all over his face. Peppered little kisses wherever he could reach. He would kiss away all the pain Eren held if he could. 

Levi pulled almost entirely out, and then back in. He set a rhythm, in and out slowly and steadily, backed by Erens little ‘ah’s and ‘oh’s. And then he thrust into Eren hard, and the boys back arched beautifully as he cried out. Levi hit the bundle of nerves again and Eren nearly screamed, moaning Levis name as come ribboned out of him. Levi moaned, deep, and began to really fuck Eren. He breathed the boy's names as he slammed into him over and over. And then he pulled out, came onto Erens stomach with the boys own. 

Eren heaved for breaths, as did Levi. But eventually, the pair cleaned themselves off and sat tentatively on the steps leading out of the dungeon Eren sat on. “I love you Eren,” Levi took the boys hand into his own, intertwining their fingers and looked into his eyes, “this wasn't just tonight, it won't be just tonight.” and Eren smiled. It was a grin that held all the light from the sun. “I love you too, Levi,” he said softly. The pair stood, Eren with a wince, and walked out of the dungeon. Levi picked up the forgotten cup of tea and walked with Eren to the kitchen where the boy looked out of a window. The sun was coming up, morning dew and fog still present, and smiled softly. And Levis' heart broke as he walked over to the boy and held him in his arms. He would only have this for seven years, but he would be damned if he didn't cherish every second he got to hold Eren. He pressed a kiss to Eren's jaw, and Eren pulled him against him tighter. It would be okay, of that Levi was sure. 

**Author's Note:**

> it'd be neat if you left a kudos :) im very tired so I'm gonna go take a nap, ily all


End file.
